There’s something therapeutic about thinking of a new project, and not wasting any time to get started. In my line of work, there is so much thought and planning that goes into every little detail. Are we staying on brand? Is all of the information correct? Will people “get it”?

And then there’s this. I get on squarespace.com (not a sponsor), start a new post and get to typing with nothing but a screen glowing into my face and an ambitious creative soul. I’ve started SO MANY blogs like this and none of them have ever stuck past a week. Why? I’ll tell you.

I’m a high-functioning hypochondriac who has been self-diagnosed with an incurable case of CREATIVE A.D.D. — the endless need for a creative outlet while wanting to create too many things before finishing anything.

This is me as a totally real doctor, holding a definitely-not-fake chart, while telling a patient that they have something wrong with their webbed toes.

Symptoms of Creative A.D.D. include:

Searching Google for “Best blog hosting websites” — shout out to squarespace.com (again, not a sponsor)
Opening Garageband on a Mac and arranging together loops to create your own two-minute techno/trance/pop beat, and then deleting it once you realize no one will listen to that garbage
Constantly looking at other people’s creative work and telling yourself that you can do better (not always the most mentally-healthy symptom)
AND getting to the fourth bullet point of a list on a new blog post you just created and wondering if you should put the TV or music on in the background, thus distracting yourself and impeding your own progress

Me clicking the power button, which is somehow in the middle of the remote, even though I can clearly see it in the top left or right corner. Also, I’m left-handed in this pic.

*clicks television off*

I’ve never kept up with a blog, but have always wanted to write a book. And not only am I terrible at keeping up with my own personal projects, I have no idea what my book would even be about. Do I write an incredibly pretentious self-help book that tells you how and why you should do everything? Do I write an autobiography, and would anyone read about a 28-year-old man/child that is up past his bedtime writing a nonsense blog while his wife is fast asleep like a normal person? Or, do I write an original piece of fiction that captures the hearts and minds of the world, making way for the next cultural phenomenon a-la Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, or the most criminally-underrated sports movie of all-time that stars Keanu Reeves as a quarterback—The Replacements??

The truth is, I’m never focused on one thing long enough to write a book on it. I’m always thinking about what’s next. Goldberg always seemed to know what—and who—was next. Then he’d spear someone into oblivion.

Let’s pretend one of these masked luchadors from the free stock photo I found is Bill Goldberg, okay?

But I don’t always know what thought is coming next. It’s both the kryptonite, and the beauty, of the human mind. Plus, I’m passionate about a lot of different things. Sports, music, pro wrestling, comedy, writing, food (sup, Taco Bell?) and that’s just scratching the surface. You can’t contain all of that in one hardcover. I need something else… something digital… something on-the-go … something like…

…

Dear God.

I’ve done it.

SOMETHING LIKE A BLOG!

*insert rap air horns here*

POP READING COMPREHENSION QUIZ:

Remember when I said I have trouble finishing creative projects?

That’s why this one makes perfect sense. Blogs don’t have a beginning, middle and end. They have posts. I’m posting this one tonight, and that’s it. It’s done.

The next project will be my next post. And so on. And so forth. And so continue. And so next. And so *insert synonym here*. I don’t need to write a book anymore. That life goal is gone. I might one day when I have a clear subject, but that day is not today.

At the moment, all I have is Productive Nonsense—and that is all I want to create.